Your adopted child is just as much a part of your family as any biological child or children you already have under your roof. But if you have adopted a child 5 years or older with the help of Alabama Pre/Post Adoption Connections (APAC), you may feel that you’ve lost precious bonding time with your adopted child. Never fear – forming a bond is as much about quality as the quantity of time you’ve shared together. You’re right on time to see your connection flourish. Especially with Valentine’s Day approaching, check out these five tips to bond with your adopted child in ways they will appreciate.
#1: Establish permanency
By the time your adopted child is welcomed into your home, they will likely have lived through some highly unique circumstances. These circumstances may have caused them to feel like they have been left behind or deserted by previous caregivers or birth parents. These feelings of abandonment can often prohibit your adopted child from bonding with you for fear of further hurt. But you can slowly build a lasting bond with your adopted child when you feel them retreating into themselves by letting them know that you’re there for them, through thick and thin and everything in between. It can take time for a child to find their footing in a new environment, which makes it critical to approach the burgeoning relationship with patience and compassion. When your adopted child acts out, remind them that you love them (though you may not love their behavior at that given time). This will further create security and allow your adopted child the healing they need to fully embrace a parent-child relationship.
APAC has numerous free post-adoption resources to help you learn the art of establishing permanency in your home. From hosting the largest adoption library in the state to offering several online training webinars, on-site trainings, and even an annual permanency conference, you’re never alone no matter where you are or what you’re facing. Adoptive Family Groups across Alabama and ongoing opportunities for family counseling are also available to surround you with like-minded people who genuinely want to see your family functioning at its best.
#2: Develop (and stick to) a routine
Children crave routine. Routine creates a sense of control, though your adopted child may never have had routines in their day-to-day prior to arriving at your forever home. Implement a routine that is appropriate for your child’s age and needs. If the child is younger, try reading a book and cuddling every night before bed. If your child is older, try an after-school routine that includes a snack and a dedicated space for doing homework before dinner at a set time during the week. You could even develop routines around holidays that your children come to expect. For example, the night before Valentine’s Day, you could cook a pasta dinner before making cards to distribute to their classmates the next day.
#3: Like what he or she likes
Especially if your adopted child has formerly lived with multiple different caretakers, the caretakers may not have gotten to know your child very well. Now that they have a forever home, it’s a great time for you to dig deeply into what your child likes or doesn’t like. Think of how loved they’ll feel if you surprise them with an after-school trip to the park after learning they love the monkey bars or the huge smile on their face after they discover mint chocolate chip ice cream in the freezer after casually mentioning it’s their favorite flavor. These little moments where your adopted child feels seen will usher in opportunities for you to be right there alongside them when more complex issues arise. Having a present and supportive parent truly makes all the difference in a child’s sense of self-worth and overall wellbeing.
#4: Allow your child to help make some of the family’s decisions
When your adopted child first joins your family, they may feel like they aren’t as important as other children that are already in your home. To inspire self-confidence and to build up your child’s view of him or herself in your family, invite them to make some of the family’s decisions if they are age appropriate. Whether it’s choosing what dinner will be once per week or what to watch for movie night, giving your adopted child the decision-making power will radiate respect from the rest of the family and solidify their place in your newly expanded family unit.
#5: Have fun together!
This is quite possibly the best tip to bond! Options for family fun are seemingly endless, depending on the season and time you have available. This February, have everyone draw a name from a hat to make a Valentine for. Cut up strips of paper and have everyone take turns writing compliments about each family member on each before creating a chain to display in a common area of your home.
Try going to a state park or other nature area in fair weather for a hike the whole family can lace up their boots for. When school is out for the summer, a daytrip to a museum, beach, or lake would be a welcomed change. In the cooler weather, stay indoors with board game or card tournaments. If it snows, sledding or snowshoeing would make for great memories!
While fun with the whole family is undoubtedly a must-do, taking your adopted child on a one-on-one outing is also super special. Let them choose what they would like to do and take time to simply be present in the moment with them. APAC has also developed these teen affirmation cards for you to download and share with your child. Investing this intentional time with your adopted child will further show them how much they’re valued, cared for, and loved. It will also provide space to open the lines of communication between you and your child, allowing space to discuss what makes this child who he or she truly is.
The Perfect Time to Bond is Now
The bond between a parent and a child is like no other bond in the world. While the timeline for creating this bond with your adopted child may feel like it’s shifted compared to any biological children you may have, there’s no way to quantify this relationship as it strengthens and grows. These tips may just make this season of love the most meaningful one yet in your home. To learn more about ways to enhance bonding in your home by connecting with APAC, click here.
AL. Media Group